I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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