dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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