The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
