My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
