True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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