a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation