I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not