My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard