I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week