Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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