im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.