I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You pole danced in your parka.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
