we're blogging at a bar
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
now i know why i became what i already was.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
