Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
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