1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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