don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
