Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
