roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
