A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize