I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Let's get the cat blown out
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
