Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
