The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
