Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
