the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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