who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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