don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
