I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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