i wish my penis had a tongue
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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