My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
