I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
