My sheets look like a crime scene.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
