His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
