I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
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I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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