Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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