After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
