There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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