Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
