life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
