i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
