Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
