I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
