he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
