I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
