i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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