I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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