shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
