Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
