Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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