I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
