You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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