It's like God shit irony all over that family
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
high people should be assigned attendants
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
