Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
