Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
