HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
