You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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