i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
