Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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