I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
