Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
