we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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