Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
