i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
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Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
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i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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