Don't make out with my wife yet
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
