he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
