PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
