I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
