Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
