My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
