If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
