Sry I called you an 8
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
