my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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