Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
