The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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