I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
