and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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