drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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