After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
