i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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