D3 body, D1 cock
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
