At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
