My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
