So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
